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So. Here I am, on the precipice of something that feels quite vulnerable. An attempt to create my own business as a menopause doula by helping others navigate peri/menopause now that I know what therapeutic modalities are available, while also providing a grounding presence to let them know they are not alone in their under-preparedness and feelings agog. Surprise surprise our society does nothing to ease us through, or educate providers on the subject. The numbers vary but practitioners are given MAYBE an hour of preparation in school, with no distinct specialty of practitioner “owning” the fallout of this life event. Even if they are prepared scholastically, how are they expected to guide a patient through this change in a seven to ten minute appointment?

Thus, I am exploring the idea of a newsletter being my conduit to the world instead of a more traditional social media approach. Turning that voyeurists lens around on oneself partially gives me the ick, especially with a business idea so deeply personal and intrinsically tied to my personal health. That being said, this newsletter will be personal with a capital P, and so not only will it be about peri/menopause but about all the things that embody me. I cannot write about one piece of me–for instance, both peri/menopause and motherhood have challenged me to grow and shift and while change doesn’t feel good all the time it is invigorating, can be earth shaking. They are my primary sources of material these days, but other facets of my person will surely catch a gleam here and there.

I want to paint a portrait of my molting in hopes it encourages you that aging is not all loss and grief- it can also be a distillation and refocus. Granted, it’s hard to feel this way all the time in a society obsessed with erasing the etches of our mortal exteriors, selling anything that allows us to cling to our youth, causing us to constantly compare ourselves to our former design.  Feeling positive about aging was non-existent at the time of my POF diagnosis, nor do I feel like that all the time now. If these ideas resonate with you and you are looking for an assemblage of useful information in prose, then my little corner of the internet ether may be your bag.

 Apologies for my lengthy introduction, but I am attempting to harness a chaotic energy, to tease out the thoughts that ping pong around my head, to constantly remind myself that for good or bad, but ultimately for neither that none of this is forever. According to my acupuncturist I am one of those air dancers both soaring and gassing out in front of car dealerships, energetically speaking of course. And I kind of loved that she put a name to it because there is power in having and holding a name for some things. I know that on the other side of me doubled over airless is a fully embodied exclamation point of a person and I just have to remind myself, and be gentle, and be curious about what is in my head and heart at any given time. For now, you can subsidize the occasional coffees and trips out of my house it takes to sit down and write things like this when I am feeling UP and OUT <3

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